Went to clinic, doctor told me i have amnesia.
I dont have any idea.
yep. i lost 13 marks EXACTLY,
for math paper.
and why is that so?
well, its kinda distracting to come back home.
Home from the killer-whale exam. (?)
But at least,
yeah, IM HOME.
For being here with me.
Giving me some peace of mind.
Away from the torturing-self killing academic life.
Somehow i did forget why im at the college.
I LOST MY WAY.
i lost you.
I resemble Zombie.
No, Frankenstein sounds better.
Mama couldn't help seeing my physical condition.
(duhh.aint that serious.)
and i guess, my baby bro,
he having problem recognizing me since i rarely home.
So, everytime i come back,
he wud take sometime then to actually
glued my figure in his developing brain.
And that doesn't seem good to me.
and of course, mama too.
Which why i had to decline my intention
in joining pushing boundaries at the first place.
Later followed by another camp in Perak.
Now i'd missed great chances.
And i used to hate such condition.
But with the new member presence,
guess i need to be more considerate regarding this matter.
we never know what future has in store.
keep living dear,
even its only in dreams,
but promise me,
don't lose your way.
(and you just might not,
cuz you aint me.)
Not too much.
Well, lets see.
Luck isn't on my side today.
I dont say that i believe in it.
Most of the times they just don't appear to be with me.
Especially when it comes to Lucky Draw.
I dont even bother to look at my number,
knowing that i'll never get the chance to get the prizes.
Sociology itself is enough to ruin my whole day.
Plus the fact that last week's exam of literature was not going to bring
me good results in final.
Misinterpretations could not be accepted.
So, don't bother asking me bout the deadly final.
Im DEAD already.
So, homework during sem hols :
--> Finding reasons for academic hearing.
(act, i've been thinking bout this since the last raya hols.duhh)
last monday had witnessed me answering my IELTS paper.
I couldnt help myself concentrating for that very FEW hours.
I just couldnt stand the pressure of focusing.
FOCUS. FOCUS. FOCUS.
so, dont expect me to get more than band 5.5
cuz that's the highest i ever get so far.
shut UP. I know im taking TESL.
this friday would be the last paper.
the madly mathematics.
and this subject would get me crazy this few days.
hoping would not be longer than 3.
I suppose they shall not.
Should i say..what?
Wish me luck?
am i being pessimist?
my appearance does not go with my saying?
Stop judging books by covers.
what's the meaning of VALUE JUDGEMENT?
that's suppose to be the first qstion in sociology paper2.
but it's not there.
DETERMINISM becomes the issue.
This is quite a long post.
with three dots as the title.
dont read if you hate me.
tryna make me better person could be accepted.
but there are ways.
dont just simply attack with words
for words could kill.
speak of wisdom.
dont tell me rubbish.
war shall not be declared.
i am not as what you see.
how do i know?
i know lahh.
im not a polite, subtle, bright, good looking girl.
(aww.that's obvious dear.)
learning takes times.
but times wont wait.
forgive me not.
couldnt read between the lines.
for lines wont rate.
i dont regret the past.
for the past bring treasure.
future shall bring me more.
but of course, there's a measure.
if u not speak of my words,
u shall not speak to me.
for i bear too much imperfection,
that i couldnt deal with the fare-thee-well.
so long paragon.